Yesterday was Duncan’s 14th birthday. Despite the fact that he spent a couple of hours doing homework and he’s got a nasty cough & congestion, he had a good day. Duncan is, as I imagine most boys are, a collection of contradictions. He defies stereotyping and every time I remember that, I am rewarded by watching a part of his well-rounded masculinity grow. This year I gave him a bouquet of sunflowers and the exclamation of joy for “Birthday flowers!” and the attention he gave to that gift all day reminds me that flowers are not just appreciated by females. I gave him a funny card, because I like making my kids laugh. But I also wrote of my heartfelt pride for the young man he is becoming, with details and anecdotes. And the biggest, most heartfelt hug I got all day was after he found that card on his bed last night (because I’m busy and frazzled, it didn’t get put out with the gifts earlier in the afternoon!)
Duncan is a whole person, developing a complex relationship with how society demands that men behave. We’ve had a number of joking interactions about how asking for help is a sign of weakness and making mistakes is shameful. I know that these messages are coming through loud and clear from the world outside. I also know that now that as I’m unfolding from the stress of our previous family dynamic, I’m more accessible to my kids as a human than I was before. I yell less, I joke more, I am more flexible and I own up to my mistakes regularly. No longer do I see shock when I respond to a “Why did you do that?!?” inquiry from my all-knowing teens with “I made a mistake.” Their mom screws up, regularly and daily. And yet, she also runs a household and has a very demanding job. So screwing up is clearly not a disqualifying event for adulthood. Neither is asking for help. I am working very hard to show the kids that we are not doing this adventure alone, there is help coming from all sorts of places in our lives.
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It’s raining in Oregon. This is a very good thing.
My mom evacuated from her home in Florida, now it seems that the mighty Irma is tracking along the other coast of Florida and is headed HERE! Maybe my mom is a weird hurricane magnet. :-)
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I’m on vacation this upcoming week. Though it’s been a good, quiet weekend, I feel a little bit of pressure to be doing MORE relaxing, MORE home chores, MORE on my To Do list. I feel pressured to relax more. Which is totally insane. At least I can acknowledge those crazy thoughts for the irrationality that they are. I wish they’d just shut up. Most of my To Dos are administrative life things that require M-F 9-5 time - getting an ID, an eye exam, registering to vote. City council primary is coming up in October. Time to get involved in the new political climate! There are stacks of boxes in the office space that is the loft above my bedroom. I can feel them leering down at me from up there. That is my big home project. I’m glad the weather is cooler, that is the one place that collects heat in my new house. Which is probably why it’s the one place that hasn’t been unpacked yet. Hopefully I will be able to do some exercise this week too. I’m on the very early downside of a rotator cuff injury that has been annoying and debilitating. Not being able to do my usual body-weight exercises has me out of my fitness groove. Not super exotic goals for a vacation, but honestly, the simple joys of grown up living feel pretty sweet.
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