I'm more into Tend & Befriend

“Misery loves company” has always sounded like an unkind expression. Unfortunately, “When struggling with difficult life circumstances, it is comforting to know that others in similar circumstances are also struggling” doesn’t quite roll off the tongue the same way. I know that there are people who do not seek companionship when they are stressed but I don’t understand how any of them ever survive their first life crisis with their sanity intact. I would absolutely be incapable of accomplishing the difficult things in my life - residency, moving, divorce, parenting teens, etc - if it weren’t for the people with whom I commiserate, vent, empathize, and seek distraction, connection and support. I’m so grateful for technology that allows me to stay connected to people who are far away.

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Tying knots is a lot more complicated than it looks when you are doing a “knot tying” lesson as a medical student. And different sutures feel different when you sew and tie with them. Figuring out which hand holds and which hand throws and remembering when you used your thumb and when you used your forefinger is a lot harder than you think it might be. Then there’s elevating the sutures and securing the knot with your finger. Every attending has their own tricks that they want to teach you and watch you master before their eyes. And the kinds of needles and the different suture materials. Sewing people up is a pretty complicated endeavor. Which, I suppose, it should be.

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Things that are going well:

• My job: I cannot overstate how much I love my job. I LOVE my job. The only bad thing about my job is that I often feel very inept at it. I am NOT inept at it, but I am a beginner at the bottom of a very long and steep learning curve. And I’m impatient and hold myself to high standards. But it is going well. I am progressing up the learning curve. I’m better at surgery than I was 4 weeks ago. I’m WAY better at writing notes. I am good with patients (if I may say) and I am enjoying speaking Spanish when the opportunity presents itself.
• My kids: They are spectacular! They don’t know anyone in town except me (actually my daughter is texting friends with an attending’s daughter, which is amazing) and I know they are sick of the limited social sphere. How sad that teenagers are looking forward to a new school & academic year. Poor kids. But they’ve kept up with their chores and are doing a great job settling into a new normal. They take care of their dog, they are learning to cook, they are doing a lot of household chores and supporting themselves. They are getting really good at asking me for things when they need them, since our face time is limited. I’m very proud of the composed and conscientious people they are showing themselves to be.
• My dog: He’s cute, he loves me, he gets so excited when we go for walks. I like to take him to the park and let him run off leash (don’t tell!) and there is a cute little creek that he loves to go lay down in and then explore and dig and drink in. He needs another haircut, which he is going to get this weekend. But even brushing him out and getting rid of the matts on his fur is a relaxing pasttime for me in the evenings.
• Sometimes I need to remind myself that vast aspects of my life are amazing and wonderful, when I find myself frustrated by the lingering rotator cuff injury or worried about tight finances or when I have to talk my kid through things I would rather be in the room for instead of across town. Fortunately it is easy to remember!