a variety of things, briefly stated

I realized today that “If it’s not fun why do it?” is the perfect mantra for me for getting into the swing of dating again. I mean the last relationship decision I made was pretty fucking high stakes. Going from that to deciding that I don’t really want to see someone again after 2 dates gave me some not unexpected whiplash.

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I had to pull custodial parent rank this week and change some details of my kids’ holiday plans. It sucked. I am grateful that I was able to adjust plans in a way that my kids’ responsibilities will not be significantly disrupted. Because of the nature of travel reservations, I had to act quickly. It was a pretty unilateral move and I hate that it was necessary. We are both of us figuring out how to manage this new dynamic. I expect we won’t have that problem again. I also expect he’s pretty pissed at me.

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One of the really great parts of our training is the ultrasound practice we get. We have dedicated resident clinic time with patients getting OB ultrasounds with an amazing US tech who is a pro at OB ultrasound and good at teaching. Today I did a couple first trimester ultrasounds to confirm pregnancy & establish due dates. I’ve done about 15 OB ultrasounds, about ⅓ of those first trimester scans. It is amazing what a difference some practice makes! The mechanics of transvaginal ultrasound are kind of confusing but I really felt like I was getting adept and got some really supportive feedback from the tech who was teaching me. This might be harder than surgery!

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My daughter is all but a technicality away from having a learner’s permit (we are taking the paperwork to the DMV on Saturday). And that permit will mean she is a year away from getting a driver’s license. She’s doing a great job with this whole process. She’s going to be a great driver!

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So you probably know in theory that the job requirements for a medical resident are insane. The work hours, the responsibilities, the learning curve,the lack of flexibility, it all adds up to a very stressful job. When I add my personal life’s challenges to considerations, it becomes truly inhuman what I’m asking of myself. I’m entering a time when self care is more plausible and I *really* need to make it count. I need to do substantive measurable things to make coping with my reality easier. Because the color is starting to fade from my life and I need to get it back. I’ve already started some of it: taking yoga classes, covering my grey, cleaning up the Samhain/Halloween decorations, spending some time with my kids, making an effort to re-instate family dinners at least  more days than not (surprisingly difficult with 2 teens’ busy schedules). The gyn oncology rotation is over and I’m feeling burnt out. I’m grateful for the time this week to sleep in (8:00 start time FTW!) and gather my wits. Maybe I can avoid losing them so badly when the next rotation kicks in after Thanksgiving.